I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
