Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
