OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize