just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
