nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
