Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
