I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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