There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
