put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
