We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
