I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
