I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
