Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Your cock deserves a montage
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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