Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
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