Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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