Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
