Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
