my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
