I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
