I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
