Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
