it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
