This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
