Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
