i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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