just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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