I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
