Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize