cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
