TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
