and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Sober January is a disaster.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
