Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
