you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
