I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
