i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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