i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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