I hate your face
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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