I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
