some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
