Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
