my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
