I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
