Joe is yelling at the trees again.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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