Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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