She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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