I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
