i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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