I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
