the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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