why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
