Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
