so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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