I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
