where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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