ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
