Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
