Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
