My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
