I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Randomize
