No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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