i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
God I need to hump something, right now.
So here I am, sexting at work.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
