i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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