I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
