bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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