I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
