Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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