just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
