at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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