remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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