y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
