Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
