so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
