not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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