is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
