soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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