I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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