You just made me feel so damn special
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
