The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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