god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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