when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
