how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
